"Suffer Little Children To Come Unto Me"

Background

Anyone who browses social media knows about the policy changes recently made in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. There has been a sort of uproar about it, with people yelling on both sides. I guess that is what always happens with something so controversial. For me, the hardest thing is trying to figure out what is really going on. I have read things from both points of view, and many seem to contradict each other. As I have tried to figure out my own point of view, one comment stuck out to me that I have pondered on a lot. I tried to find it again to be able to reference, but was unsuccessful. Luckily, I found another one that was similar, but even more specific than the first. Usually I like to summarize an article, then give my opinion and response to some of the comments made to it. However, I have read many well written articles on the topic. It would be hard to pick one. Also, I don't actually want to talk so specifically about the policy as all these other articles have. 

Summary

Instead of summarizing an article, I will quote from a comment I read:

"A woman I love very much does not get to have her child baptized, who was set to be baptized this Saturday. Her and her husband got a divorce because he could no longer pretend he wasn’t gay and is now happily married to a man. They are all happily coparenting together. The gay father was in complete support of the child getting baptized and had given his consent, even bought scriptures with the child’s name on them as a gift and was planning on attending the baptism. Because of this new rule, this child is not allowed to be baptized. The child is staying home from school today because the child was up all night sobbing. This child does not understand why he cannot be baptized when a week ago he would have been able to. Everyone else in his class will be getting baptized, everyone else in his extended family will be getting baptized. He is not allowed, despite going to church every Sunday, even with his father on the weekends he spends there. Despite paying tithing faithfully. Despite looking forward to this for as long as he understood was baptism was."

My Two-Cents

Does this make anyone else's heart break? What a difficult time for this young child. His baptism had already been scheduled and arranged. And now it has been taken away. (as a sidenote, I have not found any information about whether or not it matters if the child actually lives with the parents involved in the same gender relationship when they turn 8 and want to be baptized. I can only find that it specifies they cannot live with that parent when they turn 18 if they want to be baptized. Maybe further clarification will come on this later.)

I assume many would use this example as proof of how horrible and punitive the Church policy is. Without diminishing this child's pain, I wonder at the stories of children who would be adversely affected if the policy were not put in to place. I don't think an example on either side necessarily proves that the policy is good or bad for the church as a whole. Those who lead and direct the church have a very difficult responsibility of trying to make policies that will help the most. I don't know if they try to help the most people, or help avoid the biggest problems, or how they decide how to define what will actually help "the most". However, I do know that it is their job to set the policies. I also know that specific policies of the church are not the way to attain exaltation. True, certain policies may hinder or help specific people along their way, but faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and participation in saving ordinances (whenever they come) is what really saves us. And we have our agency regarding how we will respond to all the challenges and blessings we encounter.

To be clear, the fact that I am not questioning my membership in the church does not mean that I am a "blind follower." I understand that there are people who will willingly follow and obey without much of a second thought no matter what the Church does. I do not fault them. There are others who challenge anything that isn't immediately appealing to them. Some of them choose to leave the Church. I do not fault them either. I am of the type that considers the things that come up, evaluate my faith in Christ (not necessarily my faith that a church administered by men is perfect), and tries to figure out how I need to move forward to be more like Christ. My own personal opinions about "hot-topics" actually tends to change from time to time. I ask that you do not fault me.

So the Church as an organization has to make decisions that will affect its members on a world-wide level. That is a difficult task. I do believe those involved in making these policy changes were trying to do the right thing, regardless of whether or not it was right. So I will not try to persuade anyone of the validity of the changes.

Instead I would like to point out something that has a much bigger impact on the individuals that make up the Church's membership. There has been a change made that affects us all on large scale. But how will we respond on a personal level? Isn't that what determines our own, personal salvation? People keep talking about the second Article of Faith. But that only talks about punishment for sins, not challenges we all face. Every one of us faces trials because of the actions of others. So rather than focusing on the challenges some children will face because of the choices of their parents, lets focus on ridding ourselves of any sin of commission or omission in regards to those sweet souls.

In the story quoted above, what do you think the ward has done for this boy? I hope that his Primary President has come to cry with him. I hope she assured him that he is loved and cherished and worthy. I hope his bishop came by. His primary teachers. In a case like this, I hope his Stake President came over to show his love and support. Perhaps none of these people understands why this child will be left out of many opportunities within the ward. I hope they all promised that wonderful boy that Jesus Christ is aware of him, and knows how to heal him. That the Savior will always answer when that boy knocks at the door. 

I hope in the years to come that the Ward Council makes a special effort to ensure that the boy and his family are well taken care of. I hope it opens up a dialogue within the ward about LGBT issues. That people are able to address it openly and with love. That at least in this boy's ward, the members learn to show love and compassion to people affected by it. That as they come to know the boy's father and his father's husband, they will see that people who choose to live this lifestyle are often wonderful, kind, and generous. Even if the only contact with the boy's gay parents are during special events like the boy's primary program or scouting award ceremonies, perhaps barriers will be broken down.

I hope no one is allowed to make this boy feel inferior because of his background. I hope that it doesn't become a scarlet letter that he feels is posted on his chest. I hope that everyone can know what the situation is, and treat him just like all the other kids. I hope he is never made to feel ashamed. And I hope that in ten years, after participating in scouts and church, after developing friendships with other young men and women as well as adults, after testing the power of prayer and learning all he can about the scriptures, that he will be able to focus on the day of his baptism with joy. I hope he will have been so loved and included that he was able to forget the bitterness of having to wait. And that he will come out stronger for it.

It is my personal opinion that an outcome like this would only happen if this boy is treated with true charity. The Church clearly teaches that we should love and treat everyone with respect. Many of us still have a long way to go in figuring out how to do that when it comes to the LGBT community. I should hope that we would realize that this is an opportunity for all of us to reach out more and understand better something that makes many of us uncomfortable.

I know that some have scorned the idea that children of parents who are in a gay or lesbian relationships can still participate in church activity despite not having the blessing of baptism. I assume this is because of the fact that the child will be left out of some situations. That is a fact. But if that child truly has a testimony and a desire to participate in the gospel, it is our responsibility to support them. Even if we don't agree that they should have to wait. We need to include them in every way possible. To ensure that they know that the love of their peers and leaders is unconditional. To accept them where they are. To teach them about Christ.

It is easy to point at the leaders of the Church and explain why they have made mistakes. Perhaps they have. Whether you believe that or not, it doesn't change your responsibility. Be like Christ. Love everyone you encounter. And show your love through action.

Regardless of whether or not a child has been baptized, it is our job to comply with the Savior's request- "Suffer little children to come unto me" (Luke 18:16). We can do that by showing them how to trust and rely on the only One who truly understands where they are, and who they can become.

Families, and Why My Facebook Profile Isn't Colored With Rainbows

Background

I don't think this section of my post needs much explanation. If you haven't noticed, the legalization of same-sex marriage in all 50 states is quite the topic right now. I can hardly see anything besides articles and opinion pieces on the subject. It is a touchy one. It seems everyone has taken a side on the issue, and necessarily must dislike all those who have chosen the opposite approach. Or at least think less of them. It is pretty impressive to me how long, laborious, and heated this debate has been.

Summary

I didn't choose just one article for this section. I have read several, and none of them seemed to fill all the crevices that should be addressed. Then again, there is no way I could do that here either. So here are just a few things I have noticed. (As a side note, I personally am most interested in the way these relationships affect children, so most of my observations here address that point.)

Pro Same-Sex Marriage

• Studies show that children from same-sex parent homes fare just as well as those from heterosexual parent homes. They are even more openminded and accepting of others.
• The law needs to allow same-sex marriage to protect children in these homes. Because at least one parent in same-sex relationships are not a biological parent, they don't have legal rights to do things such as provide health insurance through their work, make medical decisions, take custody of the children if their partner dies, or have the law help with separation problems such as custody and child support payments.
• To deny a same sex-couple marriage is to deny them the happiness they deserve, just like heterosexual couples.
• Legalization of same-sex marriage is opening our culture to be generally more open and accepting of everyone, and this is a positive step for us all.
• Many adults that grew up in homes with same gendered parents are well adjusted adults who love their parents and are happy to see equality for the ones they love.
• If religious people care so much about marriage, they should just do it on a religious level, and take it out of the public sector completely. Let people do what they want and stop trying to force others based on your own personal beliefs.

Against Same-Sex Marriage

• Studies show that children fare better when raised by a mother and a father, rather than two parents of the same gender.
• Since families are the building block of society and government, the more we redefine and allow changes to the traditional model, the less stable our society becomes.
• Children fare best with two biological parents. Since homosexual couples cannot offer this arrangement, applauding it and encouraging it is detrimental to the many children who will end up in homosexual homes.
• Children need both a male and a female role model at home to help them with different aspects of growing up and to help avoid sexual confusion.
• Children are not objects used to fulfill adult satisfaction. 
• Several adult children of same gendered parents have come forward against same-sex marriage and have given their first-hand accounts of some of the difficulties of these situations. One mentions also that many of these children do not speak out for fear of being labeled a homophobe or hurting the people who raised them (that they love, but still feel a mother/father upbringing would have been more ideal).

My Two-Cents

I have had a hard time coming to terms with this issue because of my personal religious bias. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I feel I need to support the traditional family. I do believe that there are certain standards of morality that God has prescribed for us to follow. I personally believe that each individual can find the most happiness by following the commandments. I don't presume to say that people choose whether or not to be gay/lesbian or any other gender-related term. I don't say that they should deny who they are. But I do believe that God can make them much more. 

As I think about the situation around me, I have wondered if my stance is purely following of the religion I am part of, or my own personal opinion. You might say that I have been brainwashed or indoctrinated my whole life, but I just can't say that I truly would change my mind even if I chose to leave this church. 

At the same time, I have loved and honestly respected the feelings expressed by some of my close friends and others that I know. At least the people I know genuinely want fairness and love to rule out. They do not yell at me or call me a bigot or tell me I am stupid for my opinion. The ones I have talked to are all heterosexual and just view the situation as a civil rights issue. In all the personal conversations I have had, things have been very civil and fairly debated. I have appreciated the kindness that has been offered to me considering the cruelty that I have seen between others.

While I think about the issue, I just can't think of same-sex marriage as a stand alone conversation. I personally feel that the entirety of family, intimacy, having and raising children, and marriage are all intertwined and the topic of homosexuality is only a very small part.

The first problem we have is the issue of promiscuity. I do not believe in sex outside of marriage. Period. I believe it is irresponsible. I believe it dilutes the importance of something that can be so wonderful and amazing and even sacred. While many believe our bodies are something to be pleasured and played with, I disagree. I believe that we should learn to harness our passions (sexual and otherwise). This does not deny us of wonderful experiences, but rather makes us better people and helps us experience physical pleasures in a much more sophisticated and appropriate way that is much better for us personally and as a society. I find it frustrating that so-called "responsible adults" live in such an irresponsible way.*

Besides broken relationships, STD's, and other side problems related to such behavior, the most detrimental is the effect on children. If people would simply choose to marry before becoming intimate and remain faithful to their spouse, many problems would be virtually eliminated. For instance, there would be far fewer unwanted pregnancies. Abortion would probably be considered only on a rare occasion. Children would be born into homes where they had a biological mother and father there. Women wouldn't have to wonder who the father of their child is. True, these issues would not be completely resolved. There would still be problems. But they would be far less common.

Another problem is that of divorce. I understand the merits of the option of divorce. I truly do. But our culture has made it seem like no big deal. We talk about what your first, second, and third marriages should offer you. When things get a bit bumpy, we tell our friends to split. I feel that a very big problem is that we just don't take marriage seriously enough. It is a big commitment, and should only be ended after long, serious contemplation and attempts to repair, and with a good reason.

The thing that I see happening is that not everyone can be a part of the ideal family. Even if most people married before conception and stayed together while raising their children, there will always be situations that don't fit that model. There are good people who make bad choices. There are bad people. There are people who make the best decisions they can based on what they grew up with and what they believe. Because some people might feel bad that they don't fit into the "perfect family," we have widened the definition so everyone fits. We don't want anyone to feel bad. Well, I personally think that is the worst approach. To make hard situations okay or even glamorous just so a few people don't feel bad is ludicrous. 

Instead, we should help people not feel bad by simply loving them anyway. For example, we should applaud single parents because of the amazing job they do. We should not applaud single parenthood in general just because many children who come from single parent homes turn out great. I know a few single parents, and at least the ones I have come across are pretty extraordinary. But they also don't love their situation. And their children do miss the other parent.

Even though I am a religious person,  I definitely disagree that marriage is just a religious institution. Marriage is a societal protection for children to help them be raised in a family. I actually get the sentiment that people should be able to get married to someone of the same sex because they love each other and want some of the benefits such as making medical decisions when the other is incapacitated or having someone on their health insurance plan. Many of the things I read from children of same-sex couples said they felt that they did agree with civil unions or similar arrangements, but do not like the idea of allowing marriage because of the can of worms it would open for children.

My hold up with the whole situation is just that the other basic issues I have talked about would really have to be resolved in order to make a solid argument against same-sex marriage. As it is, there are plenty of children in situations much worse than  those with two loving parents, regardless of gender. There are kids in bad situations with a mom and a dad, with a single parent, or with same-sex parents.

I personally believe that children have the best chance with their own mother and father who raise them in a loving atmosphere. The research is controversial between straight and gay couples, so the matter definitely hasn't been settled by science. I just think that gender is an important issue for everyone, and having a parent at home from each side of the equation is the best way to go. It just makes sense. Even from a LGBT standpoint, you never know what your kid will need. If a boy is being raised by lesbian moms and decides he is gay, he has no male influence to help him out. I know people cringe at the word "natural" when it comes to this, but I think it fits. Naturally, kids should have both influences. With them. In the home. The argument that some other random person can be a role model for them if they need it just isn't enough.

So basically, my opinion is that our culture is already toxic to families and the children trying to grow up in them (and without them). Same-sex marriage will allow many more children to be raised with two moms or dads. Although this situation in and of itself isn't the worst possible situation for kids to be raised in, it doesn't mean we should celebrate more deviation from the traditional family. That being said, gay marriage is not the root of the problem. I think we should focus on keeping as many kids as we can with their own mom and dad.

* I just wanted to add a little addendum to clarify the comment immediately preceding the * in this post. I have been thinking about it all day, and I worry that I portrayed anyone who Makes different sexual choices than I do as an irresponsible person. That is certainly not the case. I simply meant that I feel society's acceptance of this behavior is harmful to us all on a large scale, and to many on a personal level. However, just because someone decides to have sex outside of marriage doesn't necessarilyr mean they are an irresponsible person.  Or a bad person. Nor do I look at someone who had kids outside of wedlock and judge them and think about what a bad choice they made. My treatment and opinion of them has very little (if anything) to do with their sexual choices. The same thing goes for anyone in the LGBT community.