Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

Background

I am a mother of two children. I am amazed at what people say to me when I am pregnant or have a little one. It doesn't matter if the person is a complete stranger or a close friend. I have simply come to expect that one of the first things they say will be a comment about my body. Here are a few examples:

"You are so tiny!"
"I can't believe you are 8 months along, you barely look pregnant"
"I look ten times bigger than that when I'm pregnant"
"You don't even have pregnant face"
"He's only 1 month old? You don't even look like you had a baby!"

And then there are the envy comments:

"I wish I looked that skinny."
"I would kill to be so small after having a baby"
"You are smaller pregnant than I am normally"
"You are so lucky"
"How do you stay so thin?"

And my personal favorite:

"I hate you."

I don't even think I can count how many times I have been told that someone hates me. Since I wore a size 00 in junior high, people have been telling me they hate me. In fact, as I grew to a size 0, and later to a 2 and even a 4 (heaven forbid!) I felt self conscious and that I must be on the road to weighing 600 lbs. Of course, virtually every time someone says they hate me it is in a silly, joking way that is sometimes meant to be a compliment. However, I know that these types of compliments have a hint of truth. I have been told many times that I am the "kind" of girl that snaps right back in to place right after having a baby. Well, to prove you people wrong, I had my husband take a picture of me one week after having my baby boy.

Kind of looks like my 30 week baby bump picture could look, right? Now, I am not trying to prove that I am large. I am not trying to garner pity. I just want you all to know that I am human. In fact, I do still have a small pooch. Many of the shirts I wear hide it very well. Not everyone can say that two months postpartum. True, I slim down quicker than many. But that doesn't mean that I don't feel frumpy sometimes. And I shouldn't have to feel guilty about sometimes wishing I were my pre-pregnancy size just because my current size is still smaller than a lot of other people. I have my body and you have yours. Isn't the variety in people one of the wonderful things about life?

I sometimes feel villianized because of this thing that I actually don't have much control over. I am thin because of genetics. But sometimes I feel like the fact that I walk around in public must hurt everyone's feelings because they don't look like me. And there have even been times when I have seen other people that are smaller than I am and thought they were so skinny. It is just engrained into our society to obsess over it.

I have been thinking a lot about this topic over the past several months. I just came across this article that proves I'm not the only one that thinks it's not okay to hate skinny people just because they are skinny.

Summary

The article starts off by showing a picture of a girl standing. She is very thin and virtually has no bum. There is a caption on the picture that says "I guess she lmao'd." The author points out that any kind of jab or joke is at someone's expense. She explains this about the comment:

"As LMAO is short for 'laugh my ass off,' in texting/tweeting speak this caption is implying that this young woman 'has no ass'- that she 'laughed it off.' And that is an incredibly hurtful thing to say about any person".

She goes on to say that although our society tends to view slender women as desirable, it doesn't make it okay to make fun of them. She refers to Jennifer Lawrence, who stated that she didn't ask for the attention and scandal surrounding her hacked photos just because she's famous. Then mentions a famous YouTube vlogger who says she grew up insecure because people would always ask her "why are you so skinny?" The video where she addresses it is here:

Because it is so relevant, I will summarize the video as well. These two are bloggers/vloggers that are just answering some questions they have gotten. This video addresses the fact that Zoella (the girl on the right) is very small all over and is frequently asked why she is so skinny. She says she finds it very offensive, and that it is equivalent to asking someone why they are so chubby. They point out that being "skinny" or "fat" both have a variety of factors that contribute to how a person looks. Medication, genetics, lifestyle, as well as other things make people the way they are.

According to them, the words "thin" and "skinny" are equivalent to "fat" and "obese." They say that no matter how a person looks, you need to be careful how you talk to them because they might have body image issues or self-esteem issues that you could exacerbate.

They mention that it is worse when strangers make these types of comments. If a person is worried about a friend because they are too large or too small, they can go about addressing it in a better way.

Also, many people think that they are giving a compliment when they comment about how skinny someone is. However, skinny people don't usually take it that way. They recommend saying that someone looks nice rather than thin, skinny, tiny, slender, etc.

My Two Cents

I think the takeaway message is simply that it is annoying when people obsess about the way you look. I am very grateful that I am slender, I feel blessed that I have the genetics that I do. But I don't need every person who talks to me to remind me that not everyone looks like me. I am already aware that I am "lucky" as so many people say. I do agree that there are better ways to say things. I have one good friend that said this to me the first time seeing each other after my son was born: "Wow, you look great." I loved that compliment. I felt like she saw me as a person, a friend, and a human being rather than a stick to be coveted.

However, I also want to mention that I do not promote labeling more words as offensive. The video talked a lot about how certain words, comments and questions are offensive. I believe that our world would do better to be slow to take offense. It is not very often that I am actually offended by what people say about my body. Usually I just wish that they would care a little more about who I am instead of what I look like. I am not trying to justify myself or anyone else in being angry over such things. Rather, I would like to promote kinder words and greater love toward each other by caring about individuals instead of being fixated on appearance.

In general, I think we can do well to remember that we are all beautiful. I remember once in high school thinking about the fact that we are all God's children and He must think that each person is absolutely, stunningly beautiful. For a while I consciously tried to view people in that light. I was amazed at how gorgeous each girl around me seemed to become. It was like I couldn't see their zits,  clear skin, messy hair, perfect hair, worn clothes, designer clothes, extra weight, lack of weight, pale skin, tan skin, burned skin dark skin, injuries, oddities, frailties, or any other actual physical attribute. We are all beautiful simply because we are human beings. I wish we could start seeing each other that way.